Excerpts from a book I’ll never write.

1. No one chooses to jump into the fire claiming they’ll wait for the relief of the water later. No one sane anyway.

2. I call it my decision to make it seem like everything is in order, that I have the universe’s answers at the back of a test paper and I’m trying to answer without cheating.

3. Don’t believe the tale of poor princess and fearless hero. Sometimes he will be the one who is found by you.

  1. Don’t mistake the things you’ve been told mean love for actual love.
  2. Love is not strong man saves fainting girl from her own castle. Sometimes love is you picking him up when he can’t even sit.
  3. Don’t mistake their fairytale for yours.

4. Love will not always be butterflies. Sometimes it will be moths. Not as exciting or colourful or poetic but you’ll not want to turn off the light. 

5. The moment you’re at the top of a roller coaster: The climb is almost over, the drop hasn’t happened yet. And the exhilaration of the aftermath is a myth right now. All you can feel is a standstill. There’s a tipping point like that in everyone’s life and I’m waiting for mine.

6. The thing about the devil and all his anxious thoughts that find their way into yours, is that fire is his only game. You have love and hope and cookies and the blue sky a million miles from hell. 

7. I only came for honest. Real. Brutally real in fact.

8. Home isn’t just a place. Sometimes it’s a person. Right now, I don’t have a home. I am a part of their lives, their stories, a child in my Mother’s home. One day I’ll wake up to a home of my own.

9. We give our children the world and wonder why they’re disappointed when they grow up and we’ve run out of world to give them. 

10. If you can’t be content with moments of peace and mundane reality then you burn out. The same way a candle lasts longer if it’s blown out every night, the sun is appreciated more because it disappears every day.

All taken from the notebook by my bed. 

Love, Suzy. 

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