Loneliness will make your stomach flip in the middle of the night when it imagines someone being in the dark next to you. It will also make you seek a hell of a lot of “hellos” and “have a nice day’s” and turn them into signs that they might just like you. It will even let you believe a friendly conversation could be the start of it all – they did teach you after all that every love story starts with hello…
Learning the difference between loneliness and lust and the first signs of love takes all your patience. Because when you’re alone your mind never stops searching.
Why do we teach our children that to be happy and not lonely, they have to find someone who loves them back? When did it stop being enough to love yourself? Anything and anyone else is a bonus. Toxic relationships and ‘side chicks’ are the result of “better off with anyone but alone”. We create this world where we only believe we’re deserving of love if someone tells us they love us. If they think we’re pretty or beautiful or handsome. If someone notices our humour or quirks. Putting that much of your self worth on the words and thoughts of people who don’t even truly know you, is dangerous.
Also… Friendships, family, colleagues, even strangers who are kind – are all just as important as finding the love of your life. Being a hopeless romantic (or a believer that love exists) and being alone can exist together. You can allow yourself the lonely times and the sad times at the same time as knowing that what you’re waiting for might just be worth it. And in the meantime, know that you’re enough for yourself. Buy yourself flowers for the house. Take yourself to the places you love and watch the films that you enjoy. You don’t have to wait for someone else to make you happy when you have the power to do the same.
If you do though, happen to find the one, just promise me and yourself, one thing. You’ll never love them so much that you leave yourself at risk of being broken.
Love can and will be beautiful. It’s when you’re looking for it in all the wrong places, and constantly, it becomes messy. If you can love yourself the way you want them to love you, someone will notice that far more than anything else.
“We accept the love we think we deserve”.